So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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