Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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