So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
