i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
