You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
