don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
