I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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