i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
