just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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