i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
