There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This toilet bowl is my home.
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