i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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