I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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