Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
