Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
