her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Green mimosas i think yes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
