it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
