tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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