I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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