2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
