Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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