I got chris browned last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
