I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
