I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
