I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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