The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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