FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
