I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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