Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
