i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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