Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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