I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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