call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
