We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
