yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
