She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need a beard to bite.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
