I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
