In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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