I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
