If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
