I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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