she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
