Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
