Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
