I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
