then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
