does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
