I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
