nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
