3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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