Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
