And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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